Today’s story is about life after postnatal depression. This post is written by Mel, a parent & lifestyle blogger and mum of Alice. A post for Maternal Mental Health Matters Awareness Week 2019
Two years after, has it really been two years since my first Postnatal Depression Post? I read that post time and time again, reliving those moments where I was basically clueless and had no idea what was truly going on. The world was an even darker and scarier place than it is today. I was asked by Welsh Mummy Blogs to tell my story, to share my knowledge of what happened to me and how did I get to this place today and honestly? I am still working all that out.
I have wracked my brains over this post and wanting to make sure I wrote something useful, helpful to other mum’s out there who have been going through the same thing I did. I could tell you that Hey! It will get better shortly… It will but it will take time, all things do. I could tell you that you are allowed to be angry when you want to be… Of course you are but you also need to take time out to calm yourself and relax. And of course I could tell you that the help you will be offered, will in fact help and fix you… It will help but you also need to put in the work as well.
I went through months of blaming other people, blaming Alice’s dad for not helping me when I needed it, I blamed my parents, heck I even blamed Alice sometimes for my life not being what it use to be and by God was I stupid and wrong to do that! We are the ones in-charge of how we feel, how we act and how we prolong something. Yes we all have days where we want to wallow in self-pity and just not face the world but sadly we can’t do that or at least we are judged for it as lazy.
I went weeks where I didn’t see anyone or barely speak to anyone aside from my parents who I was living with and then one day something snapped in me. October 2017, I knew I had to move out! I had to be by myself just Alice and I, I had to start moving forward with my life and stop worrying about what was going on with Alice’s dad and everyone else I use to speak to. I had to stop thinking about everyone else aside from myself and my needs.
There was a moment in my life, after an ex-boyfriend and I split up where I knew I was feeling better, I planned a two-day trip away to visit a photographer friend and I went to a photography expo and I was eventually doing things by myself, for myself again. Then in April 2018 I was attacked and assaulted and as I type this, I still stand by the choices I made afterward and I still believe it didn’t change who I am, just added a little extra piece of me. I was told yesterday while at my doctor’s appointment that they are 80% sure I now have fibromyalgia caused by the PTSD from that event and I will admit, yes it has and will change my story a little bit and what I am going to do next, just like PND did. But will it define me as a person? No. If anything it allows me to share my story with the world, to understand someone a bit better, to help in any way I can.
When I had Alice, I thought my world was pretty perfect, I had the guy, the house, the baby, the great group of friends and everything was peachy! How wrong was I? My life wasn’t perfect at all if anything I was just blinded to the scenes around me. It has taken me nearly two and a half years to feel as if things are NOW becoming perfect. Jake and I celebrated a year together the other week and it’s been the best, toughest year I have faced. We share a bond like I have never shared before and finding someone who understands that I have demons is indescribable.
Mums, if you are reading this and you are feeling helpless, as if you can’t talk to anyone or even share what’s going on for fear of being judged as something then PLEASE listen to me when I tell you this.
You Are Still An Amazing Mum!
We are all allowed dark days, we are all allowed days where sometimes it’s just a little to much. That doesn’t make you any less of a parent, if anything it reminds the world that you are still human and ALL humans need a break when things get a bit to much.
Please, allow yourself to relax, take a break, ask for help, speak to professionals, go to your doctors, speak to your health visitor, breathe.
The professionals are there to help you, you won’t be the first person or the last to tell them that you need there help. I was so worried they were going to take Alice from me and my doctor actually said don’t be so silly, we aren’t going to punish you for asking for help. And to be a good parent, you must be good to yourself. I have lived by those words since that day. And so should you.
No matter what, don’t ever think you are a bad mother. Your child is warm, loved, happy and cared for. You should be as well…
To read more posts from Mel, please head to – http://lifewithmelly.co.uk